Prathima's Miles & Milestones

Some women want nothing more than to be someone’s happily ever after. The man will love her unconditionally until his last breath and life without one another would be meaningless. Without her, he would be lost. But to desire such a romance as this, one may find they are more fuelled by self-importance than by love at all. One needs their space and freedom to make choices of their own without owing an explanation to each other.

I learned at an early age that I could never love a man that I did not respect and I could not respect a man I did not admire for some aspect of his character. I was surrounded with the thinkers and the wanderers, the travellers and the adventurers, goal-oriented and the fitness freaks, dancers and hobbyists, the self-motivated and the ones who lived life on a bigger scale. That pretty much sums up my childhood friends and the surrounding I have brought up in. They are strong, focussed, self-reliant and dominant in their area of expertise yet down to earth. Even a small talk with them leads to knowledge-sharing and creative ideas. I have never seen them wasting their time nor in negative vibes. And to those ambitious men, I could never be “everything,” nor would I want to be. After all, how small is the world of a man who believes that I am his “everything?” And more so, what use would I have for someone that places me before their passions and their convictions? I have never been able to stay in love with a man that loves me at the expense of himself. There is nothing romantic about incessant adoration; only those with fragile egos seek idolization and call it love.

There is only an illusion that’s derived from being worshipped. I do not want to be endlessly doted on, I want to be challenged. I do not want to needed, I want to be chosen each day. I want to be a wondrous addition to an already blissfully happy human, not a pretty place for him to hide his insecurity and discontent from the world – and from himself. I want to learn, not constantly teach or preach. I hope he has learnt enough from his parents from his upbringing. I am happy to suggest, but not make decisions on his behalf. He needs to make his own choice.

Depending on somebody or being clingy makes one the most annoying human being. I would never hang out with people with such behaviour. He should make his own decisions smartly without being emotional. I prefer not to to be the world to him. Instead, I prefer to be in my extraordinary world of opportunities where he’s one among the audience cheering for me and a proud partner. I expect the encouragement but that’s not mandatory because I am self-motivated. My goals are clear. I do not need anybody’s approval other than my coach. The game I am in might not be of his interest. But that doesn’t mean I will give up my hobby or interest nor he can ever stop me from pursuing what I enjoy.

When you choose a partner, make sure you have certain skills and admirable qualities to learn from each other. Be willing to retrospect and correct each other since each one of us are flawed. Stand tall to prove your point politely or confess if its a mistake. Respond and not react in trying situations. How to rectify should be the next train of thoughts rather than the blame game. We are a team at the end of the day!

Loving another does not require us to love ourselves less. In truth, losing who we are by loving another is not love at all, but rather infatuation. We are not entitled to all of one’s time, energy, and essence – we must give them space to be who they are outside of the relationship. Our sole purpose in this one life is not to be another’s soulmate- we are so much more. How foolish we are to expect the entirety of one’s heart – to be their “everything” and leave nothing for themselves.